What Introverts Want You to Know
The introvert in her element
I spent last weekend with a bunch of actors at a convention. Over lunch, we got talking about the counter-intuitive fact that many actors are introverts. Acting might seem to be the most extroverted “HEY, LOOK AT ME!” profession that exists, but actually, it’s all about hiding behind a character. The immersive internal life that many introverts possess is really helpful for pretending to be someone else.
So this group of introverted actors was happy to be at a big event with thousands of people — and we were all so very, very tired.
I am an introvert (I’m actually 97% introverted, according to a totally unscientific online quiz) and it’s a tendency that many people don’t understand. So let’s discuss some important things to know about introverts:
It is what it is
Introversion is the orientation to focus on internal feelings rather than on external sources of stimulation. Introversion and extroversion levels are ingrained personality traits — it’s simply how we’ve been wired. It’s a sliding scale, and all humans (and actually all other animals, too) can be anywhere on that line. Those who fall in the middle are known as ambiverts.
But you can step out of it once in a while
Just because I’m an introvert doesn’t mean that I can’t do extroverted things. When I find a meaningful reason for it, I can get on stage and talk to thousands of people and I’m ok. It’s sometimes even fun. It works best if it’s for a limited amount of time, and I take a major nap afterward.
Introverts don’t hate people
I hear this one all the time. We don’t hate people. We love people. Helping people is the job I chose for myself! It’s just that we get energy from being alone, and need to recharge after being social.
Introverts don’t need - or want - a ton of friends
We prefer to have a few close friends with whom we can have the big, important conversations over a quiet dinner. We generally want to skip the party with the small talk because that feels entirely awful. You’ll often find us under the table talking with the dog or cat.
Introvert is not the same as shy
Shyness is having a fear of people or social situations. Introverts aren’t afraid of those situations, we just don’t enjoy them most of the time. It’s not related to anxiety, and it’s not something we need to “get over.”
Quiet is not unfriendly
We are not cold, uninterested, or aloof - it’s often just the opposite! We’re taking it all in and deciding how we want to respond. If you find yourself asking someone “are you okay?” whenever they are quiet, know that you might be bugging the shit out of an introvert. We’re fine. We’re just listening.
Watch for the cultural bias
American culture loves an extrovert - someone who is the life of the party, outgoing, charismatic and knows everyone. This is actually a significant cultural shift that occurred with the Industrial Revolution when extroverted, outgoing personalities became tied to success in business. Before that, the quiet intellectual was the more valued personality type. My point is, much like high-waisted jeans, fads come and go. Don’t let that impact who you feel you need to be in the world.
Introverts should all read this book
Introverts have gotten a bad rap. Most of us have been told all our lives to lighten up because we’re too serious, or told to get out of our shells and be more social.
Please ignore those people and go sit by yourself and read this book - Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
We’re okay, my introverted friends.
You’re okay.