This post is part of our Letters from Lisa series. Letters from Lisa are published every Friday for Blue Mala Members. Subscribers to the free newsletter receive it once a month.

From Lisa Jakub, CEO
January 28, 2021

Hi Friends,

Over the years, I’ve been asked to attend various “cons.” I didn’t even really know what a con was, other than something that sounded super sketchy. Comic-Con is the one that many people know, but there are a billion smaller versions of that. Basically, it’s a convention in which people who are into a Thing - comics, horror, anime, whatever - get together and talk about the Thing, buy stuff about the Thing, and generally spend a weekend doing a deep dive into the Thing.

People who are involved in the making of the Thing - creators, writers, actors, etc, show up to the con to meet fans of the thing, take photos, and sign their Thing.

This all sounded terrible to me.

I’ve always had a tricky relationship with many aspects of celebrity, including autographs and photos with strangers. It makes me feel like a dancing monkey.

Hi please let me entertain your every whim

I’m just a person, you’re just a person, why do you need me to write my name on a Thing?

So whenever someone would ask me if I “did cons” - I would cringe and say absolutely not. I probably made an “ugh” sound, too.

One of the least fun parts of being on social media is that occasionally, people like to message me with the express purpose of calling me “washed up.” (Side note: I wonder where this term originated. It is like washed up on the shore? Like kelp or the bloated carcass of a dead whale? Like that? Clearly, it means they are informing me that I am beyond my usefulness. Needless to say, it doesn’t feel great when that particular insult is flung my way.)

So I am tender about this. And in my mind, nothing says “washed up” more than going to a convention and talking about something I did when I was 14 years old. Isn’t that the epitome of clinging to a bloated whale carcass?

But something changed recently - because I realized that THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME.

(Just like most things *gasp* are not about me.)

Cons are about loving a Thing. They are about having something that is meaningful to you, immersing yourself in it, and being with others that have a connection to it. It’s the cultivation of joy. And I was being asked to contribute to the cultivation of that joy, just by showing up.

That’s when I realized I was being a big fucking snob.

I got another request recently, and something about my complete lack of social interaction over the last two years compelled me to consider it. I agreed to attend a small con last fall, in that glorious time when it seemed like we were coming through COVID. I didn’t really tell anyone I was going. I had the world’s lowest bar set for my expectations, seriously, I couldn’t have limbo-ed under that thing. And guess what?

It was a blast.

And I got to sit in a DeLorean which pretty much made my life and I remembered how fun it is to totally just geek out on a Thing.

And I confirmed the fact that I am ready for a way-overdue hoverboard.

Beyond the Back to the Future delights, I meet a bunch of people who were wonderful. This was not a place of celebrity worship and creepy hierarchical power structures. Do you know what I talked to con people about? How watching Mrs. Doubtfire helped them with their parent’s divorce. How they love my brand new baby of a company Blue Mala and have found some helpful tools for mental health there. How they always felt like weirdos but then they started coming to cons with other people who loved Things the way they did - and that has provided them with community and connection and belonging.

So, yeah. I had been a big fucking snob. I felt unworthy of the attention and uncomfortable about my acting past and in the process, I had judged someone else’s joy. So I did what we should all do - I changed my mind when I got more information and could make a better assessment.

I don’t want to be judgy about other people’s joy. I see this all over the place. I would have hoped that beyond high school we stopped critiquing others for what is cool and not, worthy and not, silly and not.

Let’s not yuck anyone’s yum.

It’s so hard to find yum these days.

Let’s savor it.

Here’s what else happened this week:

Why I’m talking about cons

I’m going to be attending (COVID willing) 90s Con in Hartford, CT March 11, 12 & 13. I didn’t go to high school, but this feels like the closest I will get to a high school reunion with Christina Ricci, Lacey Chabert, Melissa Joan Hart, Omri Katz, and all three Lawrence Brothers in attendance. Neve Campbell is also going to be there and I dated her brother, and I’m gonna ask her if he ever mentions me¹ so it’s gonna feel sooooooo high school. If you want to come to the convention, I’d be very happy to see you there and I’ll squeal with you when anyone from TLC or Backstreet Boys walks by.

What I’m reading

Tiny Habits. I have plenty of issues (just ask me about phone calls, grocery stores, or hippos) but generally speaking, sticking with new habits tends to be fairly easy for me. But cue Season #3 of COVID, winter blues, and the general uncertainty of the world, and it feels like everyone - including most of my students - are finding healthy habits to be damn near impossible. Tiny Habits has some good ideas that I’m excited to pass along. (Also, the book Atomic Habits has been recommended to me, but I’ve not read it yet.)

What warmed my heart

I loved this article - Why We Should All Be Sending Platonic Valentines (Especially This Year)

“There has never been a better reason to tell your friends how much you love them. On paper. In their literal mailboxes.”

This is correct. Many of us are still feeling very isolated, and there is nothing like knowing someone was thinking of you. Maybe even with glitter gel pen hearts.

What I’m writing

This week, I wrote about one of my favorite topics: why trees are better at dealing with anxiety than we are. We can learn a lot from our forested friends, and I am gifting you the term “stress wood.” You’re welcome. Read about Biosphere 2 here.

What I’m excited about

Many of you know that I have been working with combat veterans with post-traumatic stress since 2016. I am thrilled to share the news that I have accepted the position of Program Director of Expedition Balance and will be coordinating and leading 4-day Veteran retreats. We are committed to helping Veterans regain their lives after emotional trauma, so they can finally come home.

I am planning a spring retreat in TX, and I’m raising funds so the experience can be zero cost for Veterans. If you are interested in donating to this program, you can donate online here or respond to this email to discuss a donation. Any amount is greatly appreciated and even a $10 or $20 donation makes a difference to our Veterans.

Thank you so much for reading, and for the support. It means the world to me.

Keep finding your joy, and your yum.

~Lisa
CEO, 💙📿

¹ No, I’m not

On Changing Your Mind