Accept the help. It’s not about you.
When we constantly reject offers of help, we are unconsciously attaching a stigma to receiving help.
I got to walk a dog.
This is not generally worthy of a story since I have walked a dog most days since I was twelve. But I got to walk someone else’s dog.
My friend was feeling under the weather. Nothing terrible, but she just felt crummy. So I did the classic thing and said “if there is anything you need, let me know.”
But then I remembered that’s not how you are supposed to do that.
I texted back:
This, I have learned, is how you properly offer help. You don’t make your friends figure out what they need. You don't wait for them to ask. You propose a specific thing, make a plan, and they can accept or not.
I expected the usual “no, no it’s fine, I’m okay, I’ll do it.”
That’s not what happened. She was thrilled and enthusiastically accepted the offer. And I was more thrilled than she was.
It feels wonderful to help someone else. There was not much else I could have done for her - I could have brought her flowers or something, but I knew she was going to be concerned about her dog. That was something simple that I could take off her list of things to worry about.
Please note: this is not a story about what an awesome friend I am.
This is a story about how awesome my friend was for letting me help her.
It’s so important to let other people help us.
Because it’s not about the person receiving the help — it’s more about the person giving the help. As I walked Augie, I felt so purposeful and grateful that I could offer this. In a time when so much feels like garbage, my heart got all light and floaty because THIS! THIS WAS A THING I COULD DO! This one thing made someone’s day a little bit easier.
When we constantly reject offers of help, we are unconsciously attaching a stigma to receiving help.
We are saying loud and clear that it’s weak to need help, which is ridiculous because we all need support sometimes. There is no need for us to walk this path alone. We can accept the grace and the connection with gratitude — and the knowledge that it makes the other person feel purposeful.
If we offer but never accept help, we’re saying - it’s weak to need help, so I always turn down help. But I’ll do it for you if you want.
Not a great vibe to bring.
So next time someone reaches out with their support, consider that doing you a favor might just be doing them a favor. You might be offering them purpose, connection, and the feeling of mattering in someone else’s day. Just like my friend did for me.
Plus, I got to hang out with another dog, and what is better than that?
*A version of this story was posted in Letters from Lisa. Become a pay-what-you-can Blue Mala member to get letters like this every Friday.
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