This post is part of our Letters from Lisa series. Letters from Lisa are published every Friday for Blue Mala Members. Subscribers to the free newsletter receive it once a month.

From Lisa Jakub, CEO
December 3, 2021

Hi Friends,

I led a four-day mindfulness retreat a few weeks ago. It was around 1 AM on the second night and we were all sprawled on the floor of a hotel conference room, playing music off our phones and talking about the albums that had the greatest impact on us.

(I conduct very serious and professional retreats, clearly.)

For some reason, when people ask me about my favorite book/movie/band - I go blank. There seems to be so much pressure on it. Pick something cool but obscure. Pick something that reflects the deepest intentions of your soul. Pick something that defines you for all time.

It’s particularly embarrassing when someone asks about my favorite movie and I can’t think of anything so I just blurt out this:

Not actually my favorite movie. But still a good movie.

The first cassette I remember sliding into my bright yellow Walkman was the Footloose soundtrack. (I, too, thought I was Holding Out for A Hero.) But when I think back to the music that was most important to me in my youth, it was stuff like:

Nirvana — Nevermind is one of my desert island albums.
No Doubt — Just a Girl is still the best kitchen dance party rage music
Barenaked Ladies — Gordon is embedded into my DNA. I could listen to What A Good Boy on a loop for 47 days straight and be happy.

And then of course — there was Alanis.

Alanis Morissette was like me. A restless, Canadian, long-messy-haired, no-makeup, baggy-t-shirt-wearing chick. We were both working actors around the same time in Toronto, so I had seen her around at auditions for You Can’t Do That On Television.

I thought she was sexy AF. She was smart and tortured and contradictory. She was a writer. Sure, she was an actual songwriter and I was a writer whose work only ended up in spiral-bound notebooks flung under my bed, but still, she inspired me. Her words felt raw and cathartic and hopeful. She could be all the antithetical things at once, and she could write them down and that empowered her.

Maybe Footloose was wrong - maybe I wasn’t holding out for a hero after all. Maybe I could be the hero.

When Jagged Little Pill was released, I was on a film set somewhere listening to You Oughta Know with some guys on the lighting crew. We were sitting on apple boxes in the corner of a dingy soundstage and I asked them “Wait - what did she say just then? What did she do in the theater?” They were more than happy to clarify for me. I remember getting flustered and telling them I was familiar with the act, I just couldn’t quite hear the lyric.

I can’t remember if I was lying.

Regardless, I sang all her songs loudly, stringy hair in my face, feeling like maybe someday I could learn how to be angry and wise, bitter and optimistic, broken and healed.

I’m still working on it.

But as Alanis says: You live, you learn.

Here’s what happened this week:

What I’m watching

Jagged - the Alanis Morissette Documentary on HBO Max. For all the reasons stated above. It wasn’t perfect, but I still loved it.

What I’m reading

Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

I’m actually listening to this one as an audiobook, but it’s got so many great nuggets of wisdom, I think I’m going to buy the paperback so I can doodle hearts and stars in the margins.

What I’m cooking

Vegetarian Shepherd's Pie from the New York Times.

And by “cooking” I mean — “watching my husband cook.” Jeremy was very proud of this creation and rightfully so. I stirred the dish once and posed for this photo so it really looks like I contributed.

What brought me joy

Effin Birds. Not sure how I missed this one. Beautiful sketches of birds along with snarky, profanity-filled quotations. Scrolling this Instagram sent me into a much-needed giggle fit.

Questions I loved answering

I did an impromptu Ask Me Anything over on Instagram this week and had so much fun connecting with you all. I did videos on super important things like pickled watermelon, Billie Eilish, and my Joey Tribbiani impression. But I also got this question, which I was really happy to answer:

In the midst of COVID, I talked a lot about the book I was writing in lockdown. Turns out, what I was writing wasn’t actually a book. It was a collection of essays that I wanted to be free and available to you at the click of a button at 3 AM if that’s when you need them. I didn’t want you to have to pay for a book and wait for a book and then commit to reading 300 pages of a book. I wanted to have what you need when you need it. So, that’s what happened to my “book.” It’s on BlueMala.com - and new chapters are arriving each week. I hope they can help support you. (And if you’re more into classes or videos or office hours where we can connect, we’ve got that, too.)

Sending you all love and best wishes for a good week.

Don’t hold out for a hero.
~Lisa

I’m lost but I’m hopeful, baby