Identifying the voice: Anxiety or intuition?
I get this question all the time:
What is the difference between anxiety and intuition? How do I know if it’s my gut warning me away from doing something, or if it’s something that is actually positive, but it’s just triggering my anxiety?
People get very attached to their intuition. We hear about it all the time, this supposedly infallible voice we all have. It’s a pillar of self exploration, self help books, and Oprah podcasts. Therefore, my answer is kind of controversial. People get super worked up about it. It’s amusing.
But here’s my response.
Maybe intuition isn’t as important as you’ve been led to believe.
Ohhhh, this gets them mad. They claim repeatedly that intuition is essential and we must listen to it and everyone has an intuition if they just try hard enough.
Umm. OK.
But here’s the thing. For those who have experienced trauma, it’s almost impossible to know what is intuition and what is the trauma.
“Gut feelings” are not always going to be right. Gut feelings can be tied to emotions which, for me, can rollercoaster from too high to too low — this is the world’s BEST thing or this is the world’s WORST thing. It has more to do with my mood, my sleep, and my caffeine intake than anything else.
Gut feelings can often be the inner critic masquerading as intuition, and totally mucking things up. I spent many years not knowing the difference and feeling like a failure for it. I felt terrible that everyone had this wise inner guide gently pointing them to their higher purpose, and I just had this whiney little jerk in my head saying that I was a stupid failure and everyone hated me.
We are told to always listen to that little voice in the back of your head, but what if your “intuition” tells you that everything will be a disaster, you better not try, you better just go back to bed and shut all that shit down because everyone is going to think you suck?
What can you rely on when you have a tough decision to make and your intuition is an unreliable narrator?
Your priorities.
Years ago, I met someone that I was considering working with. Our first meeting wasn’t great. I felt nervous around him. It wasn’t like I thought he was a violent creep or anything, I wasn’t fearful for my safety. But that voice in the back of my head was telling me that this wasn’t going to work. I came up with all these reasons why it wouldn’t work. I sat with that feeling for a while and finally decided to move forward anyway, because he came highly recommended and I liked his previous work. So, I essentially decided to ignore my gut.
And guess what?
It ended up being fantastic and he made my work better in a million ways.
So what was the problem in the beginning? He had anxiety. I had anxiety. Our anxieties collided, which lead to a situation where neither of us could make direct eye contact. If I had “listened to my gut” on our first meeting, I would have walked away from a great working relationship.
Important part here: do not ignore your gut is when comes to issues of safety. If you feel unsafe, get the hell out of there. Don’t stay in the elevator with the guy leering at you, deciding that it’s probably just anxiety. Get out on that next floor and if you were wrong — better safe than sorry.
But if it’s a feeling of not knowing which path to take? Maybe go back to your fundamental beliefs, rather than your intuition.
I want to take chances. I want to explore the world even if there is scary stuff out there. I want to be vulnerable even if I get hurt. I want to be bold and try things that challenge me, because there is a chance they might actually be really cool. I want to have faith that even if something doesn’t work out, I can pick my ass up and get on with it because that will not ruin me.
So when I need to make decisions about my life, those are the values I return to, because I know that voice in my head often just gets things absolutely wrong.
If you feel like your intuition is trustworthy and has a track record of being reliable, awesome. Lucky you. Stick with what works. But if, like me, you feel like yours has repeatedly lead you in the wrong direction, and is constantly coming from a place of fear, feel free to replace that with a system that works better for you.
And maybe, in time, I will realize I have this wise inner guide pointing the way after all. But for now, I just don’t want my anxiety to control the GPS.
