Overcoming perfectionism
People who are good at things - anything, really - had the patience, bravery, and humility to suck at those things for a long time.
I teach yoga. And when I teach Tree Pose, I can generally stand on one foot with the other foot tucked into the side of the opposite thigh, while talking about different versions of the posture. I bring my hands to heart center, I bring my arms out to the side, I reach up to the sky and lean back a little. And people in my class get annoyed at me. I can feel the emotional eye rolling, even through a Zoom screen. Why is her balance so good? Why doesn’t she fall down?
I don’t fall down because I have fallen down approximately 12,932 times. Often spectacularly. Often with arms flailing, landing with a thud in the front row of the yoga class that has all the mirrors so even the back row could see my graceless dissent. 12,932 is the approximate number of times you need to fall before you can nail it.
People who are good at things - anything, really - had the patience, bravery, and humility to suck at those things for a long time. The key is that they didn’t let their suckiness stop them.
If someone does something better than you, it’s because they’ve probably fallen down way more times than you have. How many times have you fallen? It might not have been enough times yet. Keep falling. Fall better. Fall forward. There is pride in the fall, it means you were brave and free and not held back by your ego.
I’ve taught Tree Pose to little kids, and when they fall down they think it’s hilarious. It has zero impact on their self-worth if they are good at standing on one foot. They collapse in a giggle fit, rolling around on the ground, holding their bellies. When grownups fall down, we decide we are terrible, embarrassing humans who need to never try anything again.
Who do you think is more successful?
But what if we disappoint other people with our fall? We don’t want others to be disappointed — especially when we’d really prefer for them to be proud or impressed or maybe even just a tiny bit jealous.
But the truth is, if you live a life of passion, you will disappoint some people. Because if everyone likes you, you’re probably not that interesting.
Liz Gilbert says, “Perfection is just fear in high heels and a mink coat, pretending to be fancy. But it's just terror.”
So we walk around terrified, hoping someone will stamp our forehead with: Approved. Then we can exhale, because feels like we have earned our space on the planet, we’re worthy, and we’re good to go, for at least a few minutes. Then we get a little sweaty, because terror will do that to you, and we rub our forehead and the ink wears off of our Approved stamp. Then the terror cycle starts over and we need to earn it again. It’s ephemeral. We’re chasing something that will never last.
You are enough. And you are capable of growth and change. You can be both. You are already both.
So let’s celebrate the courage of the fall.
All 12,932 times.
